My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
