Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
