i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
