I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
