just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
