It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't tell me you're on acid again
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
