Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
