dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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