i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
