Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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