We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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