hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
