The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
