I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're like the curious george of whores
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
