careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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