I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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