we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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