we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
