strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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