my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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