Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bring me that man meat
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
