my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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