Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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