I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
