The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how can u be prego again
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
