you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
