sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
