i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
