I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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