when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I cannot find my penis.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
