does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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