Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
