He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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