I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
