i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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