Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
