they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
