Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
