I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i think im in europe. pls send help
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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