i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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