STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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