My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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