How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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