It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
