Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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