Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
