Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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