1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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