I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
