Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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